Slip

Watching life slide past my lidded eyes
I sit in a half slumber state and wonder why I was born...

I have loved
I have lost
I have wept
I have died,
I have picked up the pieces and moved on
I have drowned in a sea of presumptions and misconceptions.

I stare at my reflection and in disbelief wondered at who I could possibly be looking at.
I have seen images of horror and touched things of such beauty that I have felt wretched and twisted in comparison.

So I sit here now and wonder at how I could have done such things and slip into an oblivion and a black so complete I cease to be.

Feeling the fire of my youth burn to embers and subtly die,
I long for something that could have been better,
I long for a peace my tortured soul has never known.
I cry tears of glass, shattering like my heart once did.

I feel like every time I break I am glued back together missing a chip.
I'm always going to crack and little bits of me are going to leak through at the worst times... and they do.

A.J. Downey
05-23-2000